In this most confusing time, of “alternative facts”, science wobbles, history re-writes, and paradigm shifts, have you ever doubted the realness of your reality? Very wise Buddhas have awakened to the “illusion”of human existence — I have intellectualized this, but I have not learned how to behave in such a non-reality. I have struggled. I think my dreams are trying to assist me but, over the last few years, I wake up exhausted and confused by my dream experience. What are my dreams trying to tell me?
My dreams are full of games, and increasingly, so complicated and chaotic that I can’t even begin to write them down. Very frustrating! Very disheartening, especially since I have come to cherish my time in the dreaming dimension so much. Maybe this is because, after a big life crash and burn, I have been sitting in my ashes reflecting on all the seemingly bad choices, and failed gambles, I have made over 60 years. Not to mix too many metaphors but my dreams are full of, “lead balloons”, “wind out of my sails, “chasing the bulls”, “marking cards”, and losing /winning/racing/spinning themes. In waking life I have been left deft of inspiration, passion, and until lately immovable off my ass. Let’s face it – I don’t want to play anymore! Anything, that I might want to do has to pass the fiery question “To what end, Brenda? To what end?” – Nothing seems worth the effort since, at my age, I’m going to die soon anyway. Human existence seems like an unfair game with no rules, impossible to win, and before you know it the “GAME OVER” flashes!
Sometimes I imagine each incarnated life is like going to a Holodeck in the TV series Star Trek. There are infinite applications to play with. First, you choose the world you wish to experience, the time, the place, etc... You choose your Avatar/body, give it a name, you choose your parents and allies. Bonus points, from your last Holodeck adventure, will be applied to skills, talents, and tools that will give you some advantages this go round. But, at the same time, there are deficits (Karma) to be applied in the form of physical ailments, disabilities, amount of money, and status which challenge you. Every good game is no fun without some risks, right? When the program is all set up it’s time to enter your new world. Enjoy! — Now, what if this Holodeck imagining is true? What would be the overall aim – just to have the experience? Will it make me stronger and wiser, and more powerful? Will it earn me a grand reward? Maybe it will end, tragically, and I’ll have to start all over. Hmmm.
I was thinking like this one day when I stumbled upon Allan Watts on You Tube. Fascinating his thoughts on life as a game! This British Philosopher may be very familiar to most of you, but I only noticed him for the first time. It was so sychronistic to be pondering my game dreams and to see his lecture posted: “How to Play the Game”
Allan sees life as a game too, and his mind has carefully thought it through. He explores how to approach this game and how to make it work. He has boiled it all down to two logical choices - commit suicide or gamble. He explains,“Is the game worth the candle? If you think “No,” then you’d better commit suicide. That’s the logical thing to do. If—on the other hand—you’re not sure, then you’d better make up your mind. Because if you’re going to go on with the game of life and not be sure as to whether it’s really worth going on, you’ll make a mess of it.”
You have to TRUST and have FAITH in the game itself in order for it to work, he continues: “If I may put it in another way: the game is to be trusted. The universe—you, yourself—it is fundamentally to be trusted, and this is the act of faith which underlies all gambling.”
His logic resonates with me very deeply as I fill myself with resolve to join the game again. Is this the message to reignite my passion? CAN I TRUST? My soul wants to celebrate as in my dream 20 years ago! I’ll leave you with this dream and artwork:
“The Spinning – A National Holiday”: Dream Journal Entry October 13, Saturday 2001
I am visiting a place like Mexico. There are many dark-skinned people taking part in a national holiday.
Layers upon layers of people line the circular arena in a liquid or jell and are spun around. It was compared to “Chasing the Bulls” – There was a risk involved but the excitement and pleasure of participating outweighed any danger.
After it was over, I was there to witness those coming out of the spinning – A woman, a Psychotherapist and her children. Two unfortunate people were suffocated in the festivities (games) but no one seemed to mind. ;)
EOD
